Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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