i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
