this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
