would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
