Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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