I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
