carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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