hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
