a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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