The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
