Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
