CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
