I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
