I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
