I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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