You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
