I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
