Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
