He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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