Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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