note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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