Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
