all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
