I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
