Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your penis caused this!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
