Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
