Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
