1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
