my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
