I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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