i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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