I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
