my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
