Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
why is half of my head shaved?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
