drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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