Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I love you.
Bad choice
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
