foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
