Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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