Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
