Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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