I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
