Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
