you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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