I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i out mim tonsoeep
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