I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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