I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
