I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
