I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
