A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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