god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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