take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
