Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
