what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
