My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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