Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
