WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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