you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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