And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
