I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
