Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
