Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
