We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
