I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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