Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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