And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
